Difficult people Part 2 – preparing to meet

  In Part 1 I covered some key reasons for finding a person 'difficult'. Now I want to reflect on what may help you with people you find difficult.  Actually, practically all of what follows is relevant regardless of whether or not you find the person 'difficult'!   Here's my take on what preparation to do.   You may be attracted to what I propose - or parts of it - or may be not.  Go with what attracts or interests you.  If you attempt what doesn't attract or interest you, you are likely to have in your mind, consciously or unconsciously, 'well, I'll...

Comments: 0

Read More

Difficult People Part 1- reasons for difficulty

"..the question is not so much what makes them 'difficult', but what we tell ourselves about them that makes them difficult" ~ Peter Vajda

  Recently I've been working with a client who wants help with working effectively with a person she finds difficult. I asked 'in what ways difficult?' She said it was based on past experiences over a few years.  In the first instance they got on fine.  Circumstances changed and so did their relationship.  My client's interpretation of this particular person's words, deeds and behaviour led her to finding it nigh impossible to trust him as a work...

Comments: 0

Read More

Standards and Values

I recently read Michael Neill's newsletter 'A Question of Standards', which got me thinking about what relationship standards may have with values. I like Michael's description of standards and so will share that with you:   "A 'standard', as I am using the word, is an arbitrary line in the sand that determines what we consider to be acceptable and unacceptable in our world. When our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, or circumstances drop below a certain standard, it automatically triggers compensatory action on our part. As long as we remain at or above our current standard for something, it receives no...

Comments: 0

Read More

Can’t You Enjoy Work Without Knowing Your Core Values?

Of course you can! And I personally have enjoyed my work without consciously knowing my core values. And yet …   When you consciously know your core values you have a boundless sense of certainty and commitment to what you’re doing. Your enjoyment reaches a different dimension. What you do, say, feel, think are based on an extra foundation of assurance, confidence, which is sound in form.   Because you have this stronger internal foundation, you are likely to: - be bolder in what you’ll try, accepting the consequences of mistakes as an opportunity to learn. Naturally not risking anyone’s health or safety! - find you...

Comments: 0

Read More

Using the Influence your Personal Values Have

Do you realise how much your personal values influence what you think, do and say? I didn’t fully appreciate it until my first coach asked me to consider what my core values were, so that we could ensure what ideas came up could be checked against them. This was really powerful.   Not only do they unconsciously influence your life, but also you can actively use them.   For example, when I was stuck on something another coach would ask me either something like "which of your core values would help you right now?" or "how may thinking about your core values help you...

Comments: 0

Read More